sapientbreeze

There is a sense of belonging, which all people seek at some point in their lives. This is particularly true during adolescence, and it’s natural to seek something bigger to which inclusion makes you feel proud of yourself. This can be great for personal development if done properly, but there is a darker side to such belonging: there is a thin line between belonging and being owned.

This distinction naturally plays out in childhood. In the beginning, parents naturally own the responsibility of caring for their infant… and that child is said to belong to the parents. As every parent knows though, with every passing year, that child “belongs” to them a little less. This is hard for parents, and causes many to hold on more tightly, or to deal with them more strictly. To whom does the child belong as it grows?

This is part of the journey we humans take, as we navigate adolescence and later early adulthood, this question plays out in our friendships, relationships, communities, and so much more. The older and more useful you become, the more you are sought out by others to join them in one enterprise or another. As we grow up though, and find a sense of stability and calm later in life, we may find the real answer.

We belong to ourselves.

This is not to say you should not take part in groups or communities… in fact, you must! This is part of how we find our own identity: see what works for you, and what does not. You should seek out companions both as kindred spirits you call friends, and even a partner. But don’t forget the highest truth of them all: you belong to no one, but yourself, unless you choose to. Young parents take note, for YOU are the ones who must teach this lesson to your children. You do so by allowing them to grow and make their own choices. Hold on too tightly as if you have a right to their lives, and they will only grow to seek out others who will continue to hold onto them tightly.

Ultimately, this js your life… and no matter what you have chosen before, you can choose now. Take responsibility for yourself, and work hard to ensure that the people in your life let you make your own choices… and let those close to you do the same. Do influence, or discuss, as you see fit… but learn to respect the integrity of those around you, and expect the same from them. If you have parents that cannot let go, then you must deliberately take space, and find your own way to true independence. Your relationship with your parents will improve drastically once they learn to respect your independence, and once you’ve proven to them, and yourself, that you are your own person.

There is truth to the idea that relationships involve using each other mutually, but it should always be to the benefit of both parties equally. If it is not equal, then it is not right… and don’t make excuses to justify someone dominating your life. It is YOUR life, and for every day you don’t assert that, you are held back from growing into who you are capable of being. You are an aspect of divinity, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t remain trapped by the past, for the past is dead… only the future lives!