When The Fire Burns Low

Finding your purpose can change your life. It can reinvigorate you, motivate lasting change, and bring on a profound sense of peace. However, life is a journey, and there will be down days.

Inevitably, you will find yourself feeling low… you will eventually question your new found purpose. You’re down here now, so there’s no use fighting it: you’re having a down day. If possible, remind yourself that this is 100% normal. Down days are an unavoidable part of life. It won’t last forever, nor is this a sign that you should give up. While it’s not usually possible to completely turn a down day into an up day, it’s actually critical to double back and remind yourself what you are striving for. Your gains might seem lower, but today you can build resilience.

Learm to spot the signs of a down day. Remember that while your feelings matter to you, they don’t mean much to others. How you treat other people on a down day can rapidly make things go worse for you: learn to spot the signs that you’re in a foul mood, and do your best to mitigate any harm you might do to others. Taking your feelings out on a waiter is not going to make anything better for you. Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be: know yourself, and know that tough conversations or confrontations are best avoided on down days.

When you’re down, you need healthy tools to stabilize or improve your mood. Stay away from drugs or alcohol or other vices: instant gratification might seem helpful, but you are hurting your longterm. Many people develop habits to “survive” difficult days… and perhaps it wouldn’t surprise you to learn that these are some of the most harmful habits that they engage in. Note your habits, and don’t shame yourself for them… but do assess if they are truly lifting you up, or holding you down.

For your down days: learn to modify or change the habitual responses you have to having a bad day. For instance, if you binge on bad food… then try to start phasing out some of the worst food, and slowly shift to eating things like raw vegetables or fruit instead. You can even gran some healthy dressing for dip! There are ways to modify all your habits… nicotine is a rather difficult one to stop. If this is you, the best thing to replace nicotine with is rigorous exercise (lifting heavy weights, running, biking, etc.) – the trap here is to tell yourself that it helps.

On drugs: this includes alcohol and caffeine (since you can abuse them as surely as most other drugs) work to avoid them as much as possible under stress. This might sound opposite to how most people behave, but frankly these numbing agents are robbing you of resilience. They borrow vitality from the future to remove you emotionally from the now. As with other aspects of our lives, don’t judge yourself if this is how you have survived up until now. However, you want to live and even thrive now, not survive… so make a plan to begin cutting back. The drugs need to be replaced by healthy habits slowly over time, and you may need to move on from relationships built on drug use. If you can’t trust yourself to use drugs in moderation, then it’s best to remove every bit from your life and move on. Don’t let them hold you back… you are strong enough to face life without the drugs.

Last, on down days – try to do as much of your normal routine as you can. Push yourself to exercise, but don’t get upset at yourself for falling short. Learn to have compassion for yourself – you know it’s a down day, but you still want to try your best. Make time to journal, talk to someone close, go for a long walk… don’t avoid the pain. Our modern era has taught us to turn on the television or phone or other screens to distract us from our suffering. Your suffering is your guide to salvation… your feelings are the messages from your soul to you. If something is wrong, staying glued to a screen isn’t going to fix it. Learn to be the type of person who faces hard truths, difficult feelings, and stares suffering in the eyes to learn how to fix it. In some small doses it is of course fine to do something to feel better at the end of a day, but do make sure you have grown from the day’s difficulties first.

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