sapientbreeze

Often times, our harshest critic is ourselves. Often, the voice of an inner critic is present, particularly during stressful episodes or difficult times. The antidote to such a voice is simple: mindfulness and compassion. In your journey of self actualization you will find many such answers are simple. This does not mean easy. Beware easy, quick fixes… nothing of value comes without hard work.

Mindfulness is a topic explored by many faiths and disciplines, but here I will briefly summarize what’s relevant to this lesson. Pay attention to your body, and pay attention to the feeling that arises with the voice of your inner critic. Mindfulness is about focus; ignoring distractions and being present allows you to see truths that will otherwise allude you. How do you feel when that voice speaks? Ask yourself why, and don’t run from the answer.

Mindfulness is a skill that requires practice, and deserves it’s own post. For self compassion, paying attention is the first step. Often, people who embark on the journey of meditation have frustrating thoughts that won’t stop coming. They get mad at themselves, the thoughts, the negative voice. Many quit at this point. Many struggle here, and frankly why shouldn’t it be difficult to be alone in one’s mind? The Modern Era is such that distraction from ourselves is not only easier than any time in human history, but it is a core part of our culture.

Perhaps it’s excessive to detail the many ways distraction has become a way of life for humanity… suffice for now to say, you should find mindfulness challenging. Here is the true lesson: when you find yourself struggling to be mindful, try your best to meet that frustration with uncompromising compassion. Sure you could have improved more than you have, but you also could decide not to improve at all. Remember that you are amazing for wanting to be a better human being. And when you fail to measure up to whatever arbitrary expectations you set for yourself, meet your raw pain with compassion. It’s okay; you are okay.

Know that finding compassion for ourselves is FAR easier said than done. Most things worth doing are going to be difficult, take time, and bring frustration. Learn how to struggle, and how to fall short. That is no failure. The myth of failure arises when we compare ourselves to others. You have only failed when you have accepted your suffering and give up on happiness for yourself.

Should you struggle to find compassion for yourself, here is a practical example that helped me earlier in life. Imagine you, and everyone you meet, as babies. Truly we all began the same: and when have you or anyone looked upon a baby’s beautiful, happy face to say “what a disappointment!” That’s you, you’re still just a baby. Time has eroded the youthful visage, and brought pain and suffering that the baby was not ready to endure (for who is ever ready for the tragedy that is our world). When you see frustration in yourself, pain, sadness, anger… try to step back within yourself, and care for the baby at your root. You deserve it. Sure you’ve made mistakes: babies always do. Choose to do better, and learn to forgive yourself.